Clear Signs Your Aging Parent Can’t Live Alone Anymore
You know that weird feeling you get when you visit your parents and something seems... off? Like, your normally tidy mom suddenly has a stack of unpaid bills on the counter, or your sharp-as-a-tack dad can’t seem to remember how the TV remote works.
Yeah. That gut feeling? It’s probably right.
Watching your parents get older is tough. One day they’re fiercely independent, driving around town and making you feel like you need to keep up. The next day, you’re realizing they haven’t refilled a prescription in weeks and their fridge smells like a science experiment.
The thing is, it can be hard to tell when “normal aging” crosses the line into “this isn’t safe anymore.” That’s where I come in.
I’m a registered nurse with years of experience helping people just like you. I’ve worked in the hospital and in people’s homes so I know what to look out for. I can also share some simple tricks to make your life a little easier. This guide will help you spot the clear signs that your aging parent might not be able to live on their own anymore…and what you can do about it.
Medical disclaimer: This article is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. For health advice, contact a licensed healthcare provider.
Frequent Falls or Mysterious Bruises
If your parent suddenly looks like they’ve joined a fight club for seniors, that’s a red flag. Frequent falls, bumps, bruises, and other minor injuries can mean that they have balance issues, muscle weakness, or vision problems.
Why This Is A Problem
Falls are the leading cause of fatal and nonfatal injuries in older adults.
Weakness and imbalance can lead to serious issues, especially falls. Additionally, difficulty moving around can lead to a lack of confidence in moving altogether. Less movement leads to less strength and balance which ultimately causes more falls.
When your parents can’t see what’s in front of them they’re more likely to run into things, trip, and even fall.
What You Can Do
Physical limitations due to weakness or imbalance can often be addressed with a little physical therapy. They may just need some strength training and/or a mobility aid like a walker. They may also benefit from adding some grab bars in the home. If they’re still unsteady after completing therapy and using an assistive device, more substantial assistance like a home health aide might be necessary. Same thing goes for vision problems. Get them to an eye doctor to see if they need glasses or an updated prescription. Cataracts and glaucoma are also a concern but can often be managed if caught soon enough. Again, if medical treatment doesn’t solve the problem it may not be safe for them to live on their own.
Nutrition & Weight
When you swing by for dinner and find a fridge full of expired milk and a handful of ketchup and mustard packets, it’s time to be concerned. Changes in weight, either losing or gaining it, can indicate health problems or an inability to maintain a proper diet.
Why This Is A Problem
Weight loss can indicate that they have difficulty preparing meals or have a loss of appetite due to a medication or depression. They may also be forgetting to eat or unable to get food from the store.
Weight gain can be due to an inability to cook healthy meals or an underlying health condition. I’ve seen lots of seniors default to unhealthy frozen meals because it’s easier to just pop something in the microwave rather than prepare something fresh.
Changes in their skin can also alert you to potential problems like malnutrition and dehydration. If you have a good quality blood pressure monitor, you can do a quick test to see if they’re dehydrated: if their blood pressure is low but their heart rate (pulse) is high, they might be dehydrated.
What You Can Do
Try to identify the cause of the weight loss or gain and work with them to find a solution. First, talk to their doctor to make sure there isn’t some underlying health issue or a medication that needs to be adjusted. If it just comes down to eating more, the solution may be as simple as stopping by once a week to help with some meal prep or setting up food delivery. If they’re dehydrated find healthy ways to get them to drink more (non-caffeinated) water.
Personal Neglect & Hygiene
Self care is the first thing to suffer when we’re not feeling well and I’m not talking about going to the spa. Being aware of how your parents are handling their overall hygiene can give you some insight into their ability to take care of themselves.
Why This Is A Problem
Wearing the same clothes or not washing them could mean that they physically can’t. Same goes for not bathing,
Dental issues can also be about physical inabilities and lead to more serious things like infections and gum disease.
Any kind of personal neglect can signal some kind of mental decline or depression.
What You Can Do
Start with a conversation. Ask your parent how their feeling, physically and emotionally. They might just need some help with the laundry or getting in and out of the bathroom. Maybe they’re depressed and need to talk about it with you or a therapist. Don’t rule out a quick trip to the doctor to see if something else is going on.
Memory
It’s normal to forget things from time to time but sometimes its more than just being distracted by a notification on your phone (or not listening to your spouse). If you notice your parents are forgetting important things like medical appointments, important dates, or even names, it may be time to step it.
Why This Is A Problem
Memory issues pose a lot of safety risks including forgetting to shut the front door and remembering to turn off the stove.
Forgetting to pay bills can affect their access to important resources and services.
They can forget to take important medications.
What You Can Do
If it’s just a one-off moment and not affecting their daily life, you could help to stimulate their memory with puzzles or memory games. Sometimes getting out of the house and socializing can have a huge impact as well. If you notice more severe memory issues you should get them to a doctor to figure out what’s going on. Even mild dementia can pose significant risks an require additional caregiver assistance,
Social Life
Even the most introverted person needs contact with other people from time to time. You should step in and ask questions if you notice that your parent is calling less, not talking about their friends, or withdrawing from other social activities.
Why This Is A Problem
All of these age related changes are embarrassing and can create some serious anxiety in social situations. No one wants to admit that they can’t hear a conversation or can’t keep track of what people are talking about.
Depression is also a big concern here. Being forced to reckon with our age and declining health is rarely an uplifting exercise. You can imagine the downward spiral this can create in a senior’s mood.
Social isolation can lead to faster mental decline.
What You Can Do
A good first step is to engage with your parents. You need to step up and make the effort for them. Call more frequently, stop by if you’re close by. You can also nudge them to get out with their friends or join social groups with people their age. Adult day care centers are an amazing way to keep your parents social while making sure they have a little bit of oversight from trained professionals.
Make sure that your parents understand that everything they’re going through is a normal part of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Show them that it’s okay to say, “Wait, what? I didn’t get that last part of the conversation.” Or even, “I’m feeling a little nervous about being here but it’s good to see you.” When we normalize the things that we fear, we take back the power they hold over us.
Severe depression and anxiety should be treated by a professional. If you don’t notice a shift in their mood after one or two social visits consider having them evaluated by their doctor.
Finances
Missed bill payments, weird purchases, sudden interest in Nigerian prince email scams: your parent is now a walking financial cautionary tale.
Why This Is A Problem
Managing money requires a certain level of mental awareness and function. More than say, recognizing that it’s time to eat. This can be a good early warning sign that there are more serious cognitive issues on the horizon.
There is an entire industry of sketchy people trying to take advantage of the elderly with financial scams.
What You Can Do
If missed payments are an issue, help them set up automatic payments and share access to their accounts so you can do the occasional financial check up. This can also be a good time to start some financial planning if they’re still independent. If the issue is strange purchases or unusual donations, this could mean they’r susceptible to financial scams. Try to educate them about how to protect themselves when using email or text. Rule #1 being, “Don’t click on that link.”
Household Neglect
There’s nothing wrong with collecting things but if your parents’ house is now a museum of unnecessary crap, it might be time to step in.
Why This Is A Problem
An increase in clutter or even hoarding behavior can indicate mental health issues like depression or a physical inability to keep things tidy.
Forgetting to feed pets and water plants can also be clues.
What You Can Do
Your first move is to make sure everything is safe. Clutter can be a fire hazard, a fall hazard, or both. Next, talk to your parents about helping to organize a little bit. Approach decluttering with empathy and respect your parent’s feelings. They might be holding on to all this stuff because it represents a time when they felt more in control and safe in their life. Start small and the gradually get things to a manageable level. If they have plants or pets that aren’t getting the care they deserve, consider stopping by to help more regularly or finding another home for the pets.
Medications
This can be one of the most important areas where you can help. Take a look at your parent’s pills and ask yourself, “Does this make sense?” If you have to take more than a few seconds to answer, it’s time to check in.
Why This Is A Problem
Missed doses or taking the wrong pills can have serious consequences and put your parents in the hospital.
Many pills only work if they’re taken consistently.
What You Can Do
Issues with medication management typically is about organization or memory. Either your parents have good memory but don’t know how to organize the pile of pills they’ve been prescribed or they just don’t have the memory anymore to remember to take them in the first place. I’ve helped hundreds of families and patients develop plans to manage their medications and it all starts with a pill organizer and a plan.
Wrap Up
Listen, you’ve got this. All of the things mentioned in this article are pretty obvious when you think about it. You’re just not in the habit of thinking about it. Now you know what to look out for and you can be proactive in figuring out where your parents’ weak spots are and how to address them.
Depending on where they’re at, you might be able to help them maintain their independence with a few little bits of gear and guidance. If however you realize that they need more, that’s okay too. There are plenty of additional resources that can help from part time caregivers to assisted living, so it doesn’t all fall on your shoulders. if you’re seeing these signs, don’t wait. Trust your gut, have the tough conversations, and reach out for help.
